If i come over, it means nothing
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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