I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
