btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
