apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
