If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize