i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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