Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
