Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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