Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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