i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
