Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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