we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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