I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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