He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
