if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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