Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
