is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
