im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
