you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
