I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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