i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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