there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
