Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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