I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
