she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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