i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
