I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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