Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
