My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
