Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
