Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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