I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
