I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You can't motorboat a personality
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
