she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
