i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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