So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
