When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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