She's JV to your varsity
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
