don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
