i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
