apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
