Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
