like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
