Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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