i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
