do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
