Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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