just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize