My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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