Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
