This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
