You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
