she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize