I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
