At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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