Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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