I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
