I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize