So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
