I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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