Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
