I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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