I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
