The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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