sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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