If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
