when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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