Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
