So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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