it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
